Activity

I want to focus on a relationship issue that triggers great pain to those how experience it. Unrequited Love is whenever we love somebody, but they usually do not return that love. In amarração amorosa definitiva of my life unrequited love (with nine differing people) formed an extremely destructive pattern. It is only in recent years that I have come to understand why I chose to decrease this painful route.

At first glance, unrequited love seems rather pathetic. We fall in love with somebody and they don’t reciprocate, but we can’t let them go. We obsess and fantasise about them, in the hope they might change their mind, but this never happens. As I know to my cost, these relationships can consume many years of a person’s life and leave them with only pain and heartache. The question is, why would we fall for a person who was not thinking about us and then, even though they have made it clear that they have no thinking about us, continue with the obsession?

To answer this we must look at our emotional and perhaps spiritual needs, and particularly at what we believe we have been personally lacking. Most of us have needs, it’s part of being human and we make an effort to fulfill them in the form of a loving partner or more ideally by meeting them from within. Whenever we fall in love, our partner gives us the things that we lack. We then feel as if our partner is making us whole, or complete which is why we feel so good. In a normal relationship normally, this is reciprocated, but not regarding an unrequited one. In these cases we create an imaginary relationship in our mind, that is identical in every respect to the ‘real’ one but obviously lacks somebody. This is what leads to the fantasy – in our minds we can create an ideal partner and relationship.

The trouble is that even though fantasy can be very convincing, it is not the real thing and finally we feel frustration, disappointment and an aching emptiness. Even then we might not forget about the unrequited person because we gain a perverse pleasure from the pain and suffering. This aspect of unrequited relationships gives us a clue regarding the deeper motivations which I will explain later.

In trying to fulfill our needs through the unrequited ‘partner’, we should see certain qualities in them that we usually do not believe we have. In the most powerful unrequited experience I had, I later realised that I saw a deep and pure spirituality in the girl I fell for. This is something I definitely believed was lacking in me yet in her it had been clearly present and intoxicating. I take advantage of that last word deliberately because the attraction I had on her behalf was at the amount of addiction. It overwhelmed me and started to take over my life. Essentially, I was attempting to discover my spirituality through her, rather than discover it myself.

When you have had or are experiencing an unrequited relationship, consider what quality it really is you see in the focus of your attention. Notice how you feel without that area. Just how through (and this is how I eventually allow lady go in my own example) is to realise that if you recognise a quality in someone else, you’ll want it in yourself. As the old saying goes, "It takes one, to learn one". Therefore accept that amarração amorosa definitiva have the quality you have been looking for in somebody and release the unrequited person from the demand that you will be placing on them to satisfy your needs for the reason that area. Although it may believe that we have an undying love for that person, this isn’t actually the case. If we loved them, we would not expect them to fulfill our needs. Embrace the quality that you were looking for in them so when you let them go, they will move out you will ever have and somebody new will enter, who has those same qualities. This time around though, that person may also desire to be with you.
amor de volta about letting go of a need is that the things we were searching for in our life or relationship appear in abundance! Try it on your own – it really does work. In some cases, the letting go is enough to change the whole dynamic and the unrequited relationship changes right into a true, reciprocated one.